My Own Mini-Marathon

               I used to read books like it was my job. And I don’t mean books for school; I mean books for my own personal leisure or growth. After starting college, the number of books I read drastically dropped. Freshman year I don’t think I read a single non-required book during the school year. Well, I might have read one or two over Christmas break. Then school let out at the end of April and I realized that I hadn’t touched the book that I was ten pages into at the beginning of the year. 

                

             This year I promised myself I’d be different. I promised myself that I was going to take time and read. Well, it took a while, but I finally finished a book for leisure and it feels like I just finished my own form of a mini-marathon. My schedule is so hectic and full of homework and work that I'm surprised I had any time at all to read.

                The book: The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs. It’s a 320ish page account of Jacobs’ year of following the Bible as literally as possible. He spends 8 months in the Old Testament and 4 months in the New Testament. It’s written like a journal and it’s hilarious! But anyway, I’m feeling this huge sense of accomplishment. I enjoy this feeling. Now that Thanksgiving break is basically here, I can get a good start on another book and maybe get through this one faster. 

Time to Refocus

             I have decided to refocus my life. The realization that this was needed happened recently, as in today. I have been feeling all out of whack (more on why in a later post) and that is not a good feeling. So, starting now, I am filling my spare time with enjoyable things that I have been missing. This includes, but is not limited to: reading, writing, spending time with my Savior and knitting.

           Reading- This is an activity that I have absolutely loved to do ever since I was able to read. I love getting lost in a story and being able to step into someone else's shoes for awhile. Unfortunately, since I started college, my time spent reading for enjoyment has plummeted. I have found myself bogged down with reading for school and Facebook. I know, it's pathetic. This is about to change. I'm starting a new chapter. Cheesy pun intended.  ;) 

          Writing- Writing brings me peace. Getting my feelings out of my head and onto paper gives me a relaxed feeling. Writing is something I sadly abandoned this summer because honestly, I was burnt out. I had written so much for The Sojourn and for classes last semester that I was done with writing. Don't get me wrong, I love The Sojourn and you should all go pick up a copy or go online to iwusojourn.com, but it turns out that journalism is not what I want to do with my life (more on this will also be in a later post). But I just recently realized that I really need writing back in my life to help me organize my thoughts. A little tidbit about this blog; I write everything here in my journal first for the irrational fear that the internet will crash and lose my thoughts forever. I realize that it's more likely for me to lose my journal, but paper still seems more indestructible to me.

         Spending time with my Savior- I don't mean the rushed devotions and short, hurried prayers that have been going on in my spiritual life lately. I mean really sitting down and getting to know my powerful God through prayer, reading His word and, the hardest of all, -listening. Recently, God has given me ample opportunities to do this and it's about time I use these opportunities.

         Knitting-Okay, I'm not sure I even really like to knit. I know how to knit but I think I like the idea of liking to knit way more than I actually like knitting. It just sounds cozy. I'll probably end up replacing this one with something else that's warm and fuzzy.

         So, for now, this is how I will refocus my life. One day at a time.

...of a Planner

I am a planner. This shouldn't be news to anyone who knows me well. I plan everything. I've had my life planned out since I was in middle school. Yes, that plan has changed many, many times but there has always been a plan. I plan my outfits. I plan my entire semester right when I get the syllabus. To-do lists litter my notebooks and computer.

So today, I decided to plan out the rest of my college career. I was pretty worried about graduating in four years being a double major in Journalism and TESOL with a minor in Spanish. Especially since I'm planning on spending a semester in Spain.

But I am happy to announce that I will be graduating in four years! Praise the Lord! After 6 more semesters, one May term, a summer course, two online courses, two summer internships, and a semester in Spain, I will walk away from IWU with a diploma in hand. My planning has paid off. =)

...of a Silent Speaker

In my life, I speak the loudest when I am silent.

That might sound a little odd, but give me some time to explain. You see, I love words. Ever since I learned to read I have been fascinated with how words work. Two different combinations of the same set  of words can mean completely different things! Words can draw pictures in the mind and evoke emotions you didn't know were there. Words can make or break a relationship. Words are powerful. Words are  heard.

My love of words has been transferred over to a love of many things; reading, talking, and most of all, writing. Most people are more likely to hold back their emotions when they write than when they are talking. With writing, there is the ability to erase, to backtrack. When you're talking, there is no backspace key. Once something is out, there's no way to take it back, no matter how much you may want to. For this reason, most people are more transparent when they talk.

I am not most people.

For me, writing is a way to get all of my emotions out. I find that I'm more honest with myself when I'm writing. When I journal, I use a pen. I don't let myself erase because whatever I write comes from somewhere. Don't get me wrong, I don't hide things when I talk. But I don't let everything out either.
If you want to know how I really feel, you can ask me. I'll tell you my opinion; I'm a vocal person. But if you give me a pen and piece of paper something more will come to the surface, something deeper that sometimes I don't even know is there.

This is why I have more journals than there are months in the year. I have three going at once, plus this blog. I write my prayers. I write my dreams. I write my experiences. Writing clears my head. Writing organizes my thoughts. My writing shows the real me.

In my life, I speak the loudest when I am silent. I speak the loudest when I am writing.

...of a Loving Granddaughter

Lately I’ve been thinking about my grandpa a lot. I’m not sure why, but Granddaddy has been on my mind. A few years ago, sitting at his memorial service, I realized that I never really knew who Granddaddy was. You see, he had Pick’s Disease. Pick’s Disease has the same sort of effects as Alzheimer’s, but it was caused by a brain injury that occurred while he was in Vietnam.

I sat at his memorial service and listened to his close friends and family share stories about my Granddaddy. Some were serious, but most were funny. They told of his personality, his passion for people and for God, and just remembered the times that he was with them.

 I came to one conclusion after hearing these stories and seeing the pictures. My Granddaddy was legit! A chaplain in the Navy, a loving husband and father, and a great friend; this is the type of person he was. When he couldn’t drive anymore, he would ride miles on his bike just to meet his friends for coffee. He and my Mam-maw were the most attractive couple and so in love. He kept a huge portrait of her right above his bed.

While he was alive for 16 years of my life, I have limited memories of him. Most of my memories consist of him sitting in his La-Z-Boy, watching TV Land, and of course, praying at dinner. Let me tell you, that man could pray. When I was little I got bored with his long prayers, always squinting up to see when he was going to be done. But as I got older I realized how amazing his prayers were. This was a man who barely spoke, but when he prayed it was like the floodgates opened and the most intimate and reverent prayer flowed out. I would love to be able to pray like him.

I may not have the grandpa memories that a lot of kids do, but I am lucky enough to have one great memory of me and Granddaddy that will stay with me forever.

I must have been around 3 or 4. The entire extended family was together. We had taken a trip to the sand dunes; I think we were in Virginia. These things were huge! Well, they were in my toddler eyes. Everyone had climbed up to the top of the dune to look around. When it was time to go back down, the older cousins decided they wanted to run. Aside from Nick who was still a baby, I was the youngest cousin and I wanted to do everything the older ones did. So I began to run as well.  Unfortunately, the slope of the dune got my three year old legs going way faster than I could handle and I soon tripped and started rolling down the hill.

As I began to slow I looked up the hill and saw Granddaddy running after me. He was trying, but failing, to hold back laughter as he scooped me up, put me on his shoulders and carried me down the rest of the dune.

So I may not have an abundance of memories with him, but I will always remember how he prayed, the love he had for his family, and the laughter in his eyes when he carried me down the dune.

...of a Reformed Snow Hater

I’ve climbed up mountains in Peru, seen a sunset while on safari in South Africa, watched a storm roll in on the beach… but somehow, the beauty of God never ceases to amaze me. Especially in the little, ordinary things. Like the snow. I’ve lived in Indiana for most of my life; I’m used to the snow. Actually, I’m sick of the snow. It’s cold, wet, and not very fun to walk to class in. I’ve been complaining about it for the past few weeks and I’m really ready for Spring. But today, as I look out the window at the newest blizzard (I might be exaggerating just a little), I realize how beautiful it is. It’s the big, fat, fluffy flakes today. Everyone who’s walking through them looks like they’re floating. I kind of want to go spin around in it. Yep, me, the hater of winter. Spinning in the snow. So good job God, I can’t bring myself to hate the snow. I can only sit and marvel at the intricacy and beauty of the flakes.

...of a Sinner Saved by Grace

I was looking through my journal from the last couple of months and I ran across something from November 6th that I thought was worth sharing:

November 6th, 2010
       Last Sunday at church, Pastor Rick told us a story. The story was about a young man who claimed that he had no sin in his life. It was obvious that this man was confused and wrong about his self-proclaimed sinless life; all of us will have sin and imperfections until we are living forever in Heaven with Christ. While I have known this to be true for awhile now, the story hit me hard and got me thinking. The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I became. What is the point of trying to improve, of trying to "fix myself", when I know that I'll keep making mistakes? Then God showed me a flaw in my thinking. If we could fix ourselves, there would be no need for grace. If we could become perfect by striving, there would be nothing special about God's perfection. God isn't asking us to try harder to fix ourselves. God is asking us to give up our lives to Him so that He can fix us. Does that mean I stop trying? Does that mean I give into my sin; my temptations? No. Because I love my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. When you love someone you want to make them happy; you do everything in your power to please them. He died for me, is living for Him really that hard? He doesn't ask for much. He asks us to love Him and love others. If we do those two things everything else will fall into place.
           We're all human; we all make mistakes. But here's the beauty: no matter how much I mess up, God will always forgive me and love me. So, what do I do? I keep my eyes focused on God. When I stumble and look down He'll be there to pull my chin up and draw my eyes back to Him. And if he sees tears in my eyes He'll draw me into His arms and give me the love and comfort no human can offer. Because He is the Lover of my soul, my Father, my Comforter. He is my King, my God.

       "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."

-Hebrews 12:1-2